Lincoln East High School's home of Spartan news

The Oracle

Lincoln East High School's home of Spartan news

The Oracle

Lincoln East High School's home of Spartan news

The Oracle

An Open Letter to Shower Users

An+Open+Letter+to+Shower+Users

I wrinkle up my nose and roll up my sleeves. In one hand I have a bunch of rags. In the other, I have a spray bottle, my finger on the trigger like I’m John Wayne. I hold my breath as I spray the thick, smelly cleaner all over cloudy green tiles. Just like the western hero, a perfect shot. Unlike him, however, my adversary doesn’t fall down with a cry of astonishment. Instead, it sits stubbornly in the lining, staring me down. I stare back. It’s a huge black glob of no-one-really-wants-to-know-what that stands in my way of a clean shower. I grimace and mutter under my breath “there’s only room for one person in this shower, I guess you are gonna have to move on” and I begin.

        Twenty minutes later, the shower looks a little better. The black glob is gone, but a sinister black spot marks where it lay.  The red grime has been scrubbed away, and the floor looks less like a sidewalk on a muddy day. I’ve conquered the grime, and now, for the contents of the shower itself. An array of bottles, razors, and face washes would make the shower fit right in with the Room Where Everything is Hidden, (yes, Harry Potter reference) and I’m almost afraid to look behind the fortress of woebegone shampoos. Slowly, I begin sorting through the shower products. Less innocent things, however, begin to appear. I find several bar wrappers, old chewing gum, a broken razor, athlete’s tape, and enough ponytails and bobby pins to supply Rapunzel for life. I finally throw all of the junk away, and organize the pitiful leftovers into a little lonely huddle. I lean back, and try to ignore the sticky residue from the gum on my fingers, or all the hair ties lying out to dry on the counter. I won’t even glance down the drain, where I know there is enough hair to escape from a 100ft high prison cell.

        I stumble out of the shower and hope that perhaps the next user will be so kind as to clean up after themselves. Do I hope the shower will be clean in vain? It’s possible, but I’ll believe the only way it will happen is summed up in this excellent quote:

“The only way to keep your house clean is to let no one inside it.”