Note: This article and its contents are purely satirical

Lincoln East’s prom will take place Saturday, April 13th. As prom draws near, students look to many places of inspiration for the perfect outfit that not only matches with their date but also makes a personal statement. Have no fear, for the ultimate guide to 2024’s prom fashion is here, we scoured the internet, movies, TV, TikTok and the streets in general for the perfect outfit options for you.

Short Cut Prom Attire (See illustration 1)
Shortcut formal wear in terms of prom is usually associated with the short cut prom dress, however this year the short cut tuxedo is very in. It has the top like a regular tux but the pants are where it is at- modeled after track shorts the tux pants should hit well above the knee. Not only does the short cut tuxedo look fashionable, it is also very easy to dance in with good breathability. The short cut tuxedo is a popular design with the Scottish Highlander!

Oppenheimercore Prom Attire (See illustration 2)
Get out of the way, Barbiecore! This prom season, many students will be expecting outfits inspired by the “Barbie” movie, however what no one is expecting to take center stage is the “Oppenheimer” style. For guys a light brown or gray twill suit, with baggy pants, solid colored tie and a gray taupe hat to tie the fit together. For girls a radiation poisoning green dress.

Cut-Out Prom Attire for the Economically Challenged (See illustration 3)
Based on paper doll clothes, this new trend in fashion that is expected to hit the prom fashion scene is not only “in” but it is also cost effective. The idea is simple: just print out the pieces of whatever item of clothing you would like to wear and then fold and tape it onto your body, not only is it cheap but you can wear whatever you want. The only drawback is that the wearer must avoid open flames and torrential rain as their clothes will disintegrate.

Designer Prom Attire to Lust After (See illustration 4)
Closing out this list with the pinnacle of modern fashion, we present to you, the do it yourself designer prom dress! A grocery store or thrift shop should be able to provide you with everything you need to pull this look off. Outfit pieces: Garbage bag, censor bar sunglasses, combat boots, and a pair of rubber dishwashing gloves. While this outfit may look like something somebody dug out of the trash (maybe it is) that is exactly the point. The designer prom attire takes the CarHartt/workwear/thrift everything trend to a whole new level, with the most casual and durable clothes with items that were literally made to be thrown away.